Like Breathing
by Designation Kik
Summary: "It would have been effortless for us, Bella— comfortable, easy as breathing…"  A series of one-shots detailing Bella's surprisingly un-tragic life without Edward.
1. Like Lightening

_Missed Connection_

The engine cut suddenly, leaving behind a silence that somehow seemed louder and more uncomfortable than the roar my truck routinely produced. I didn't bother opening my eyes. Instead, I let my head drop limply back onto the worn interior and tried to soak up the warmth and comfort that was normally so abundant when Jacob was around. _Tried_. It was all there, but I couldn't touch it. My head was too full of thoughts half-formed, thoughts that I shied away from and clung to at the same time. They chased one another around and around until I was dizzy with them and half-sick.

The problem was that Jacob was all too willing to let me be a monster. He wasn't stupid; he knew what he was dealing with when it came to me. He knew I didn't like music and that my heart ached sometimes and that I often felt like I was falling apart. He knew I was damaged goods, and even if he maybe didn't get the extent of the damage, he _knew_. And yet, here he was, frowning, lost in his own thoughts, with one of his hands wrapped gently around mine, his thumb tracing a pattern on the back of my hand.

Suddenly, Jacob pulled me tight against him, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I let out a tiny squeak in surprise before I smiled and worked my arms around his waist in return. This was where I needed to be: the one place where I felt safe and almost whole again. That was a sign, right? Was this where I was meant to stay?

"Sorry," he murmured into my hair, startling me out of my thoughts, "I know you don't exactly feel the way I do, Bells, and I swear I don't mind, but…" he pulled me closer. He didn't hold me any tighter, but his grip was different, more intimate. He sighed into my hair. "I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing— and that's something that no one wants to hear," he chuckled. I smiled with him easily. Jacob's attitude had always been catching.

"Sorry I worried you," I mumbled back. "Really, I didn't mean to…" _To almost drown? To act like a complete idiot? To give everyone who had been working so hard to keep her safe a slap in the face? _None of those options seemed quite suitable so I just kept quiet. Jacob snorted and pulled back, just enough that he could peer into my face.

"Seriously, Bella, what were you _thinking?_ Every time I try to think of it… if I hadn't decided to head to the beach first, if I had been just a bit slower, just a few seconds later and I wouldn't have seen you go under and I wouldn't have known…" He trailed off, shuddering. I felt my face heating up.

"I know, it was stupid, Jake. Trust me, I'm not planning on a repeat performance." Jacob laughed again and fell silent. It was nice for a few moments before I realized with a jolt that I had somehow wound up with my forehead pressed against his. I opened my eyes (that I didn't remember closing) and his warm brown gaze crashed into mine.

Moments like these were becoming more and more frequent between us and with each one I became more and more confused. It had been laughably simple in the beginning. Jacob could fix the motorcycles. Motorcycles led to adrenaline. Adrenaline brought me closer to _him_. Now, though… while I had once been on a straight path, yearning towards a single goal, at some point, everything had gotten turned around and jumbled up. Now, I found myself pulled in two directions, towards a painful memory, an impossibility, and towards Jacob.

And Jacob wanted me too. That was the fact that often sent me spinning. It was no big thing to me that I should want Jacob around. That was just the way it was. It was survival. That he should want me back complicated matters. I would have done anything, given anything, for Jacob to be happy. It frustrated me that he would choose the one thing that I did not know how to give. As always, guilt washed through me at the very thought. It felt wrong to consider it. It felt like betrayal.

And then, as soft as a caress and clear as day to my ears, though Jacob was oblivious, I heard Edward whisper, _"Be happy."_

I stiffened, unprepared and startled by his voice, and Jacob misjudged my reaction. With a sigh, he pulled away and slid out of my truck, coming around to open the door for me. I got out a bit dazedly. _Be happy_… he would want me to be happy…

"Get inside and get some more rest. It's been a rough day. I'll see you tomorrow—"

"Wait!" I worked to make my voice less panicked. "Wait. Um… can't you stay for a little while…?" I had no clue what I was doing or how to begin, but through the confusion I knew that I couldn't let him leave. Whatever it was that had been growing between us… whatever it was and whatever happened next, I knew that I didn't want him to leave, that something would be lost if he did. But, he was about to refuse, I could see that much easily, but then something in his expression changed and he smiled my smile.

"Sure, sure, I can hang out for a while. Come on, let's get you in out of the cold."

He led the way up the path and grabbed the spare key stashed over the door to let us in. He held the door open for me and then closed and locked it. By the time he was done I was already in the kitchen, putting together dinner for Charlie. I didn't want him to have to worry about anything after the day he'd had. I set a plate of lasagna I'd made a few nights ago to heating in the microwave and turned to say something to Jacob.

Whatever it was fell away, forgotten, before I'd even made a sound. He was there again, too close with eyes that were too intense and too full of understanding. Suddenly, that feeling was back again, the feeling that something was supposed to happen and that unless I did something about it, nothing would. Maybe Jacob could feel it too. Maybe that was what prompted him to run his hand gently from my shoulder, down the length of my arm to my hand, where he threaded our fingers together. He glanced once at our entwined hands and then back at me. It was a question and a statement at once. His grip was firm, daring me to pull away, but his gaze was gentle. It was pleading, but with none of the shame or humiliation I would have imagined came with it. I could almost see what he wanted to say buried in his gaze. _I can help, Bella. Let me help you._

Jacob leaned closer, his other hand coming to rest on the small of my back, while mine somehow found its way onto his chest. I could feel his heart thudding too quickly under my palm. In the pit of my stomach I felt something that could have been panic or guilt or anticipation or nausea. There were tears in my eyes.

"Jake…" I whispered because it felt like if I spoke too loudly, something inside of me would fall apart. "I… I don't know if I can…"

"I know, Bella," he whispered back, so intensely that I wasn't sure how he meant it. "I know."

And then he kissed me. My first kiss, for all its dizzying consequences, had been so cautious. All kisses afterward, though not lacking in passion, had always had that same sense of mindfulness. Edward had always had to hold himself back.

Jacob kissed me with an abandon that I wasn't used to. He crushed me to him, moving his lips urgently against mine. Every moment I feared that this rough affection would be the thing that sent me flying away from myself, that would finally fling me apart, wrenching the hole in my chest wide enough to be seen. Every moment, I found that I was still whole, still me. I tightened my grip on his hand, while Jacob Black proved to me that I was stronger than I had ever thought possible.

Jacob pulled back, though he was close enough that I could still feel his breath on my lips. My mind had been pleasantly numb until that moment, but suddenly I knew what I had to do, and I knew that I could do it. Be happy, right?

With a sigh, I leaned forward to capture Jacob's lips again. I kissed him gently, sweetly, telling him, in the same way he had told me of my strength, of his goodness. His hand cradled my face.

The telephone rang suddenly, shattering the world we had built around each other. I jumped horribly, startled, and Jacob chuckled at me while he reached around, never stepping an inch away, to grab the cordless phone behind me.

"You can talk once you get your breath back," he said to me with a wink and before I could protest, hit the answer button and held the phone to his ear. "Hello?" He paused to listen to whoever it was on the other side, all the while grinning at me. "Sorry, he isn't here."

I laughed, it was hard to help it, and swiped the phone away. "You wanna play secretary, go answer phones in _your_ house," I told him quietly before I said more loudly, into the phone, "Hello, Swan residence."

There was a pause on the other end that lasted just a beat longer than was comfortable and I was just about to hang up when I heard. "I'm sorry," and the line went dead. The voice had been deep and rough, definitely a man, and strained as if he were in great pain. I glanced at the phone, confused, until Jacob, who had begun to kiss my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, distracted me. I laughed.

"I guess I'm not surprised that you have a compulsion to slobber all over me," I told him and he threw his head back and laughed. Of course, there were things we still needed to talk about, things I had to tell him for this to be fair, but for now, I was content, and he was content to lounge together in Charlie's kitchen and laugh.

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><p>Some of the dialouge from this chapter came straight from New Moon, especially the first part.<p>

I'm planning this out to be a series of one-shots, all interconnected. There will be an over-arching plot, but it won't be the traditional, chronological fic. I just wanted to make that clear :). Leave a review if you can!


	2. Like Sunrise

_Like Sunrise_

"Bella! Phone!"

I immediately threw down my pencil, probably with a bit more venom than was necessary. I was only too eager to have a distraction from my calculus homework. "Who is it?" I asked Charlie as I came down the stairs.

"Oh, it's just Jake," he said casually. A little too casually. I frowned at my father as he ambled off into the living room and then at the clock.

"Hey, Jake," I said into the phone. "I thought you were on your run." Translation: I thought you were out patrolling as a giant monster canine. Jacob gave a nervous-sounding chuckle, which immediately put me on alert. Why did he sound so uncomfortable?

"Yea, um, Sam gave me the night off. Listen, Bella, do you want to go on a date with me?" he said in a rush.

Immediately, my face flushed. "Huh?" I answered dumbly. Jake laughed again, this time more earnestly. Of course, the only thing that could make him more comfortable would be making fun of me...

"I mean, kind of a date. We can't really go out to anyplace super fancy, but I was thinking you could come down here and I'll cook you dinner and we could watch a movie. I mean, I'm not the best of cooks, but I'm pretty good at following recipes, you know? But seriously, if you're busy or something—"

"Did you say Sam gave you the night off for this?" I asked, interrupting the nervous chatter that was quickly becoming babbling. I couldn't help but smile at our collective awkwardness. It was the kind of thing that happened between a guy and a girl in the real world.

"Yea, um… they're all a bit sick of being in my head, so he threw me a bone. Pardon the pun." My smile became a grin. It had been almost a week since we'd kissed and we hadn't had any time alone since then, although the last time I'd been to La Push, Embry had given me a glum, sulky look and Quil had grinned and told me it was about time. I, of course, did what I do best: flushed crimson. Jake just glared daggers at his brothers. Still, as it was, the situation was starting to make me feel a bit off balance. I knew what Jacob wanted and he knew that I was willing to try… but it was like we'd only put an outline together. If we were going to fill in the colors of this relationship, there were still things that needed to be said.

"Oh… well I wouldn't want you to waste the night off," I said. "What time do you want me?"

"I'll be there to pick you up at seven. Is that all right?" I glanced at the clock. Sadly enough, it was enough time to finish hacking my way through my current problem set.

"I guess I'll see you at seven then." We said our goodbyes and hung up and I was turned to go back to my room when Charlie spoke.

"Going out with Jake?" he called from the couch, sounding smug. I flinched at his wording and then frowned at my own sensitivity.

"It's not like—" I stopped suddenly, and my frown deepened. I had been about to say _It's not like that_, but then, wasn't it exactly like that? No matter how insistent Jacob had been that it was no big deal, it was. If we wanted this, then we would do it correctly. Jacob deserved at least that much. Relationships— _real _relationships were deliberate, not impulsive. So, we would talk and make everything clear to each other, just like the day in the meadow.

I had become pretty good at freezing a thought in its tracks. Just like anything else, it was survival. The only thing that would come of that train of thought was agony. I stood still for a moment, gripping the edge of the counter tightly, desperately trying to throw my mind in reverse, and then, quite suddenly, I realized that I was angry. I was afraid to let myself dwell on the emotion, afraid that it would bring me right back to that murky and dangerous topic, so I let the anger go unexamined. Almost defiantly, I answered Charlie. "Yeah, I am. Do you mind? I should be back pretty early."

I couldn't see Charlie's face, but I could just imagine his cat-that-ate-the-cream smirk from his tone. "Doesn't bother me at all. Have fun, kid."

I rolled my eyes and went to go get ready.

"You aren't going to laugh, are you?" Jacob regarded me seriously, his hand poised to open his front door for me. He was wearing jeans (though they were decidedly less ragged than normal), but had swapped out his usual lack of shirt with I clean and pressed button down.

I started to tease, but, despite the joking bravado he had displayed in the car, I could tell that Jacob was nervous and for once it wasn't about vampires or werewolves or life and death. We were on a date, and Jacob was anxious that I enjoy myself. The simplicity of the situation pleased me.

"No, Jake," I told him with a smile. "I'm not going to laugh." He peered at me critically for a few more moments before he grumbled something under his breath and pushed the door open. The first thing I noticed as we stepped in out of the rain and into the little kitchen was that Billy was nowhere to be seen. Jacob must have kicked him out for the night. The second was two large bowls set neatly on top of the stove, one full of chicken strips and the other of thick cut fries. I grinned, smothering a chuckle. "Ketchup or barbecue sauce?" I asked him. Jacob laughed and finally relaxed.

"What am I, an amateur? We've got ketchup, honey mustard, barbecue sauce, even ranch, just in case your freaky pale-face sensibilities are way off in left field. Which do you prefer, Miss Swan?" He guided me into the living room as he spoke.

"I'll stick to barbecue," I said. "When in Rome, right?" Jacob just shook his head, sat me down on the little, overstuffed couch, and dumped what must have been his entire selection of movies in my lap.

"All right, you pick your favorite and put it in the player. I'll be back in a second with your entrée." He grinned at me one more time and then slipped back into the kitchen. I was a bit apprehensive as I glanced through the movies, but I shouldn't have been. Jacob knew me better than I knew myself sometimes. There were a few zombie movies, some kind of martial arts movie, shooters, even some kind of old timey, black and white monster movie. Not a romantic comedy in sight. I put the martial arts movie in just as Jacob returned with two plates loaded up with chicken and fries. We took a few moments to settle in on the couch, closer than I would normally have allowed.

For a while, I was happy to watch the movie and eat. I admit, it hadn't completely been Jacob's fault that the car ride had been so tense. I'd been composing and re-composing my speech the whole time and almost worked myself into a fit. I guess I'd been under the impression that our epic, life-changing conversation would have to begin the second I set foot inside of the house. I should have remembered that spending time with Jacob was never that way. It was never rushed, never so serious. Jacob had a knack for reminding me without words that I was still eighteen. So, we lounged, with me tucked under his arm, and threw fries at the tv when the hero seemed like he was losing.

When the movie was over, Jacob surprised me again.

As soon as the credits began to roll, he sighed, hit the pause button, and extracted himself from me carefully so that we were sitting side-by-side, not touching. "All right," he said, turning to face me. "Let's hear it."

"Hear what?" I asked, confused. He smiled at me.

"Don't you have a whole speech about why we shouldn't be together or something? Let's hear it. Gimme your best shot."

I flushed crimson, caught completely off-guard, but Jacob only continued to give me a patient smile. I didn't particularly like the way he'd brought it up, but I wasn't going to chicken out either. I took a deep breath and dove in.

"You can do so much better than me," I blurted. "I mean, think about it, Jake. You're smart and funny and wonderful and talented, I mean, you built a freaking _car_ from scratch! Who else could do that?" I was dimly aware that I was babbling, talking way too quickly, and that Jacob's grin was getting wider and wider the longer I spoke. "And face it, Jake, you're _hot. _I mean, you're practically huge and you run around without a shirt all of the time… the girls around here probably go wild about you. And you're responsible too! You take care of Billy, not to mention protecting the reservation from supernatural killers. And _don't _think that you'll never find any other girl besides me who can understand that. You could find someone who'll be able to accept you, fur and all. Someone pretty and smart and _good_ just like you." I finished in a rush and stared at my hands. There was silence in the little room for a long moment before Jacob burst into laughter, almost falling backward onto the sofa. I stared at him. "What's so funny?" I demanded.

"You just described yourself, Bella," he told me. I blushed again.

"You deserve someone who can love you back." I had to force the words past my lips. I didn't _want_ to hurt him, after all. _The truth_, I chanted internally, _Jacob deserves to know the truth._ Jacob sobered instantly. "And no matter how much I want to, or how happy you make me feel, I can't do that, Jake. Not the way that you deserve." I hugged my arms around my torso, distressed. "It isn't you, it's me. I just… I _can't,_ Jake. Not anyone, not ever." I tried to meet his gaze steadily, so that he would see that I was serious. "I'll always be this way."

I'd never admitted that to anyone that way before. I hadn't expected it to hurt. But, I shoved the pain away. I wouldn't use Jacob. I wouldn't make him any promises to him that I couldn't keep. I wouldn't hurt him if I could help it.

I wouldn't be Edward Cullen.

"Bella," he breathed. He looked so sad. "He may have taken a lot away from you, but he didn't take your heart." I wanted to smile for him, anything to get that horrible pained look off of his face, but I didn't have anything to offer. To my horror, I was suddenly fighting off tears.

"It feels like it," I whispered back. Jacob closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them, he suddenly seemed older than me. More steady. More mature. He reached out and touched my hair gently. I leaned into his touch.

"I make you happy, don't I?"

"Yes, but—"

"And it makes you happy when I'm happy, right?"

"_Yes_, but—"

"Well guess what? It makes me happy to make you happy. So, please, Bella just give me a chance to do that. Give me a chance to make you happy and to be happy with you. Let _me_ worry about the rest of it." He moved closer to me and slowly, gently pried my arms from around my torso. "Let me do this, Bella," he whispered, holding my hands in both of his. "Don't be afraid."

I blinked and suddenly felt breathless. Afraid? Was I afraid? I tried to consider the notion, only to find the pain there, waiting. Just like earlier, I shrank away from the pain, dropping my line of thought as if it had burned me, and just like earlier, I found that I was angry. But this time, I searched for the reason behind the anger and within moments I knew.

"God, I'm so tired of this, Jake," I said, fat tears rolling down my cheeks. "I'm so tired of being this way. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of being in pain. I'm tired of being _broken_." My voice broke. Before I could blink, Jacob's arms were around me, hugging me so tightly that the hole in my chest didn't matter. Jacob was holding me together.

"You feel better, happier, now than you did a few months ago, don't you? You even feel better now than how it was a few weeks ago, right? I know you do, Bella, I can see it." He loosened his grip on me just enough so that we could be nose to nose. "If that's true, then there's hope for you, for us. Just say the words, Bella. Say, right now, that you want this with me and let us _try_. Only try."

I chewed on my lip anxiously, searching his eyes for my answer. It surprised me how quickly I found it there. "I'm willing if you are," I whispered. Jacob smiled.

"My answer will always be yes, Bella," he murmured and brought our lips together. He moved his lips over mine sweetly, letting his fingers trace my face. I didn't want to cry, but the tears were coming thicker than ever. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer than I thought I could. I'd expected the decision to hurt. After all, I was officially, irrevocably letting Edward go. But it didn't. Choosing to let myself try to love Jacob Black just didn't hurt.

Eventually, Jacob was the one who had to pull back. He chuckled. "_That_," he murmured, "should have been our first kiss." I smiled a bit and leaned forward so that my face rested against his neck. Jacob's hands trailed up and down my back, stroking lazily. A few minutes passed and then Jacob's hands stilled.

"In the spirit of the whole honesty thing we're doing, you should know… Bella, I _hate _them for what they did to you." Jacob's voice was dark and little more than a growl. "If they ever came back…"

I could feel the tell-tale tremble in his hands against my back. My answer was like a frozen lump in my throat. It took a few moments before I could force it out. "They aren't coming back, Jake. Not ever," I mumbled. That one hurt. I burrowed deeper into his embrace and Jacob began to stroke my back again.

"So, I'm hot, huh?" he said after another few moments. I chuckled and surprised myself with how natural it sounded. _Easier every time_, I thought wryly and refused to think about why the thought was so ironic.

"Don't make me regret that," I told him. Jacob snorted.

"Like I didn't already know it. Trust me, Bells. You're the only one around here who does see themselves very clearly. Don't worry though, I think you're hot too." I rolled my eyes and drew away just far enough to swat him on the arm.

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><p>Of course, I thought of a scheme for naming the chapters after the first chapter is already up. Ah well. Happy holidays!<p> 


	3. Like Before

_Like Before_

It unsettled me, when I thought about it, how similar life before was to life after.

There were the obvious things, of course. Charlie was on both sides. So were school work and dealing with Renée and navigating my meager social life. I spent significantly more time in La Push. I still worked in the Newtons' store part time and I still had to constantly search for new recipes to dispose of the stockpile of fish in the freezer.

It was the less obvious collection of similarities that really gave me pause, though. It was the family already formed that molded itself around me because I had taken one of the only female-shaped vacancies available. It was the secrets and carefully manufactured facades that came with knowledge of a world that was so impossible that life would unravel unless you spent the better part of the day pretended not to know at all. It was the fact that morning, noon, and night I knew that the only reason I was still sane was because he was holding me together and that on both sides of before and after, it was just a matter of which he it was.

The nightmares were new. Eight months later and I still had them occasionally, maybe two or three times a week. Charlie had learned to live with them. He barely seemed quite so haunted by my pain on those mornings after they came. The sheer volume and quality of my new family, the pack, was different too. There were eight wolves in the pack now, seven loud, rough, boisterous boys who were prone to wrestling and breaking out into fur and teeth when the arguments got out of hand, and one girl with a voice that was quick and sharp and who was even more likely to take a snap when provoked.

The boy was different too. Before, he had been cold and hard to the touch and treated me like a figurine made of porcelain or glass, something to be cherished, always protected, but eventually to be thrown away. After, he was humanly soft and so warm it would have been uncomfortable had we been anywhere but the Olympic Range. He treated me with a reckless abandon that spoke of confidence and trust. Before, I felt like an adult among children or a peasant among angels, just trying to keep everyone and everything together, straining to be each and everything that they needed. I didn't feel that way after. I'm not quite sure how I felt… freer? More reckless? More selfish? I just know that after, when Renee told me about the new, complicated meal she was trying, it didn't make me fretful the way it would have before. It made me smile.

One day, at the height of summer, Jacob took me cliff-diving, like he'd promised. We jumped from the lower ledge, feet first and holding hands, even while his brothers jeered at him from the top. I didn't scream as we fell, I laughed. Before, there would have been anxious eyes intent on me the entire time wondering always about my safety, my happiness, my comfort. But Jacob screwed his eyes shut and laughed with me. Afterward, when we'd both broken the surface, gasping and grinning so hard that my face hurt, he pulled me close and kissed me. Then he dunked my head under the water and swam off, heckling me all the way.

I liked my new life.

"Hey."

I turned from staring at the forest as it rushed by out of the Rabbit's window and glanced at Jacob. His thumb kept tracing patterns on the back of my hand. "What are you thinking about?"

I grinned. "Mike Newton refused to be my partner in P.E. today. I think he's decided that if I haven't dumped you for him by now then there's probably not much of a chance of it happening before graduation. Really though, we're only halfway through the first semester. You'd think he'd have a bit more perseverance."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "That marshmallow still thinks he's got some kind of chance with you?" he asked. Now it was my turn to roll my eyes.

"No, I guess he doesn't. He probably took the hint when you went out of your way to show up on your motorcycle during lunch and bring me my jacket. And kiss me. I'm surprised you didn't go ahead and lift up your leg right there—"

"Oh, ha ha, Jacob's a werewolf. Let's all have a big laugh at all of the dog-related jokes we can make about him—"

"That one was actually more of a testosterone-filled guy joke than a werewolf joke. Don't be so sensitive." Jacob stuck his tongue out at me and focused on driving for a few minutes. I drummed my fingers restlessly on my thigh. "What are we doing tonight, anyway?" I asked. "You look kind of dressed up." Which meant that he was wearing a shirt. "Am I going to need an alibi?" Jacob shook his head.

"Nah, we aren't doing anything _explicitly_ supernatural tonight. The elders are telling the old legends, the ones we all used to think were just stories. It'll be Seth and Leah's first time hearing them now that they have a new perspective. Kim, too." I turned my face back towards the window to hide my grimace. Oh goodie, Kim was coming…

It was hard being around Jared and Kim, Sam and Emily. They were imprinted. Jacob likened the term to soul mates, two people made just for each other, and destined to adore one another for all of eternity. Or something like that. It wasn't that I disliked any of them. I'd gotten over my aversion to Sam a long time ago and Emily was possibly the sweetest woman I knew. Jared was a good brother and pack member and Kim, though shy, seemed nice enough. Individually, I liked them, but when they were paired off, the connection between them almost seemed to burn. So much love and devotion, it reminded me too much of the before.

No one else had a problem being around them, besides a few crude comments and some teasing. Leah was the only one who never joked or teased. She just stayed away. In the beginning, I thought it was just because she had more restraint than her pack brothers, but as I learned more about the scandals under the surface, I came to know how much more than that it was. Anyway, when Leah sulked off, driven away by one or both of the couples, the excuse of comforting her gave me a good cover for slinking away myself.

"What are we eating?" I asked, hoping to distract him from my silence. All pack meetings had some form of food built into the agenda. Jacob grinned in anticipation.

"Bonfire," he said with relish. "We're roasting hot dogs. Quil's already challenged me to a hot dog eating contest. Jared's taking bets. Care to get in on this?" I snorted.

"Pass. I'd rather not encourage you," I told him drily. He stuck his tongue out at me.

"Don't be such a _grown up_, Bella," he said, making the term sound like a swear.

"Keep at it, Jake, and you're not coming anywhere near these lips at the end of the night." Jacob's face screwed into a pout.

"Aw, don't blackmail me, Bells," he whined. I grinned and leaned back in my seat, enjoying myself, as we pulled into Jacob's driveway. We'd probably be walking to wherever this meeting was going to be held.

"Then I suggest you behave yourself, Mr. Black."

Jacob smirked and grabbed me by the back of the neck, drawing me to him. I kissed him willingly, brushing my fingers over the short hairs at the nape of his neck. Jacob smiled against my lips and broke the kiss, sliding down to kiss the underside of my jaw gently. I shivered.

"The party?" I said, not liking the gasping quality of my voice. I'd hate to make his ego even bigger. Jacob just chuckled and nipped my neck lightly. I wondered often if that was a Jacob thing or a wolf thing. Either way, Jacob liked to bite. It was another thing that was unique to after. "They'll know why if we're late," I reminded him.

Jacob sighed and moved to press his forehead against mine. "Sorry. I'm still not completely house-trained," he said. I laughed and pecked him on the lips before I climbed out of the car.

"Nice one."

It took a while of walking hand in hand down the beach until we found the group congregated around the bonfire. I spotted some of the pack already roasting their hot dogs. Quil was missing. Jared and Kim were snuggled up on their own log. Thankfully, Sam was running patrol with Embry and Paul tonight, so I wouldn't have to dodge both of the couples. There was a chance that I would be able to get through this relatively hassle-free. I turned and opened my mouth to say something to Jacob when suddenly Quil hurtled out of the shadows, tackling Jacob into the sand. The two laughed and wrestled, always razzing one another mercilessly. That one was definitely a guy thing.

"What's up, Bella?" Quil called sunnily as he twisted one of Jacob's arms up behind his back. I waved back.

"Hey, Quil," I answered. I was about to comment on the way he was ripping my boyfriend's arm off, but Jacob suddenly crowed triumphantly and slipped out of his grip. The two set to wrestling again.

"This'll go on for a while," a voice said behind me and I turned to see Leah stalking towards the fire. I'd never seen Leah walk before. She stalked or she ran, doing both with superhuman grace that was heavy and powerful, never soft, willowy, or lady-like. Honestly, I knew that as a part of the pack, Leah would never hurt me, but something about Leah's beauty mixed with a werewolf's raw power and self-assuredness was frightening. Whether it was because of her looks or her attitude, she always seemed wilder to me than the others. "Come on, Bella, they'll run out of hot dogs. Let the idiots be idiots."

I followed her back to the fire where the others greeted me warmly. Everyone was laughing and talking boisterously except for Leah and her mother. Leah lounged languidly with her back against a large fallen log and stared at the sky. Sue Clearwater sat on the same log and watched the fire. This was her first council meeting as well since she had taken her late husband's seat. I gave them their space and went to sit next to Seth, ruffling his hair playfully as I passed. This put me uncomfortably close to Jared and Kim, but I'd learned that I sitting close wasn't a problem as long as I couldn't see them. Normally, being close enough to hear the little coos and comments between them would be a mistake, but the popping of the fire and voices of the rest of everyone else drowned them out nicely. I laughed and talked with them all, holding my hot dog out over the fire carefully and after a while, Jacob's arm slid around my shoulders and he set to roasting his own hot dog. Billy and Old Quil Atera were muttering to each other and they looked as if they were just about to start when the alarm came.

The howl was long and keening. The sound mixed with the rushing of the water gave me chills. The wolves huddled around the circle stilled and as one, cocked their heads towards the west. I dropped my stick and turned to look at Jacob. The look on his face made the hairs on my arm stand straight up.

"What do you think it is?" Leah said as she stood, her eyes still fixed on the line of trees nearby. Jacob shadowed her, shaking his head.

"I don't know," he said quietly. "Embry, check it out." Embry sprang up without a word and sprinted for the trees. Before he had completely disappeared, Jacob was pulling off his shirt, as were Jared, Seth, and Leah, who wore a sports bra underneath. I stood and grabbed Jacob's arm. For some reason, even I couldn't bring myself to look away from the trees.

"Jacob…"

Jacob glanced down at me and smiled, though his eyes were tight. "Don't freak, Bella," he answered. "It may not be anything." Leah scoffed.

"Or it may be that read-headed leech again," she said with a sneer.

My blood froze in my veins. The pack hadn't found a fresh trail left by Victoria in almost six months. She was just gone. They had followed the trail as far as they could, but apparently it disappeared into the Pacific. I was just beginning to think that I was free, that maybe she had decided that I was too much trouble…

"Jeez, Leah, be less subtle…" Seth muttered from somewhere nearby. "Now she looks like she's about to faint."

Embry reappeared at the tree line. I couldn't see well enough to see the expression on his face, but his stance was tense. Jacob swore and grabbed me firmly by the shoulders, turning me forcibly to face him.

"It's her, isn't it?" I choked. Jacob frowned and smoothed his thumb over my cheek. His fingers trembled, not in anger, but in anticipation of the change.

"We don't know for sure, Bells, but it's _some_one," he told me. "Take Kim to Emily's place and tell her that Sam called us out. Stay there, you'll all be safer. We have to go." He kissed me roughly, dropped his key in my hand and then he was gone, bounding across the sand with Leah, Seth, and Jared on his heels.

And this was the only real stain left to mar my life. Because no matter how essential to my existence I felt that he was, no matter how much I wanted to keep Jacob safe and tucked away by my side, he would always be leaving me. It was a duty written in his blood.

I just had to trust that he would come back.

"Bella?" Kim's feather-soft voice shook me out of my reverie and I realized that I had been staring. Jacob was smart to give me a task, however inconsequential. He knew I could easily tear myself apart if left to my own devices and caring for others was a job that soothed me. The feeling of it was familiar. I turned to Billy.

"Where will you go?" I asked.

"Sue, Quil, and I will stay up at the house until they get back. We'll call you at Emily's if we hear anything."

I nodded. "We'll do the same." I motioned to Kim. "Let's go."

I set off across the sand at a trot with Kim scrambling to keep up. I didn't even look at her until we reached the car. The car was easy to start and compared to my truck, it practically purred. In no time, we were on the road to the little cabin where Emily and Sam lived. I searched the trees on either side of us obsessively, afraid of what I would find.

"Why is Emily's house safest?" Kim whispered after a while. I threw her a tight smile.

"It's not so much the house as it is all of us being together. If all of us are there, in one place, Jared, Jacob, or Sam would die before they let any vampires through to us and if they know exactly where we are and that we're safe, they'll concentrate better."

"Oh," Kim said, looking kind of pale. I wanted to say something that would comfort her or something to make her laugh, but the fact was that I didn't know her. She and Jared hadn't been together for very long and when I did see her, she was glued to Jared's side and I was happier to stay away. I chewed on my lip and reached for the comment that would make me feel better.

"Jared will be okay, you know," I told her as we pulled into Emily's driveway. "The pack always looks out for each other. They'll take care of him." That seemed to be the right thing. Kim gave me a small smile and we both climbed out of the car. Emily opened the door before we had finished climbing the stairs onto the porch.

"The bonfire?" Somehow the question came out sounding like a statement. She already knew the answer. I nodded anyway.

"Sam called them out. All of them. Jacob told us to come here." A look skittered across Emily's face and just as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared again. She smiled warmly at Kim, who had hung back awkwardly during our exchange.

"Kim, you've never been over here before, have you? Come in, both of you. I guess you can join Bella and I's little party of two. What do you think, Bella?"

I sighed, fixed an approximation of a smile onto my face, and prepared myself to keep it there for the next few hours. "Let's see what we have to work with," I said as I went inside. I knew my way to her kitchen very well. After peering in her pantry and refrigerator for a few minutes I called back into the living room, where I could hear Emily giving Kim the short version of the tour. "Super batch of muffins?" We had the routine down to an art form. Emily and I spent a lot of time together in the kitchen cooking because it let us pretend to forget what we were really doing. Waiting.

"Sounds good. Kim, I'll show you my recipe for muffins. I think it's safe to say it's a hit," Emily said. I had to laugh as I started assembling our ingredients.

"It's a proven fact. I caught Jacob and Quil trying to use those muffins as currency once." Emily laughed back and finished showing Kim around. The three of us worked with a little chatter between Emily and I for a while and then fell quiet, each intent upon our own tasks. The batter came together more quickly than I would have liked and soon we were filling the pans and preheating the oven.

"So, um, Emily, you and Sam are like Jared and me? You're imprinted?" Kim said. Emily offered her an encouraging smile, happy that she was trying to reach out.

"Yes," she said. "We're actually getting married soon." Kim smiled and congratulated her.

"And you, Bella, you're imprinted with Jacob?"

My steady mixing faltered for a moment before I forced myself back into the rhythm. She didn't mean anything by the question. She was just trying to be polite. "No. Jacob and I got together the old-fashioned way," I told her. "No help from fate for us."

"Oh… but how was he allowed to tell you about… you know… what he does?"

I sighed. I never thought that I would miss the way that everyone in the pack just knew. I toyed with the idea of just telling her, pretending that it was no big deal. _Well, you know how vampires are their mortal enemies? _I would say._ I was in love with one once— well, I still kind of am, but anyway, he left me and broke my heart and now Jacob is trying to put me back together. So yeah, I get to know about werewolves. Pass the sugar._

I would have laughed were it not for the bolt of pain that shot across my chest. I wanted to ignore it and pretend that nothing was happening, but it sliced straight to my core, just as potent now as it always had been. I set my spoon down with more force than I'd intended to and muttered some excuse about getting some air before I tripped out of the door and on to the porch, where I sat down hard, hiding my face in my knees. I hadn't bothered shutting the door and so the conversation in the kitchen floated out to me easily.

"—so sorry! I didn't mean to say anything—"

"It's okay, Kim, you didn't know."

"Oh God, I hope she isn't angry."

"Really, Kim, don't worry. Bella isn't mad, she just needs a moment to collect herself. She'll be back in a few minutes." Emily's voice was serene and I could hear her still mixing the batter steadily. After a few seconds, the sound of Kim's preparations resumed as well.

"Could I ask you… what happened to her?" Kim asked tentatively. My heart sank. "Jared said something once about how she knew more about vampires than anyone in the pack did. Did… did one of them attack her or something?"

Emily sighed. "No. Worse I think. She was in love with Edward Cullen. Jacob thinks that they had a… a special connection, one that was different than the connection that most humans have to other humans. Edward didn't take that into account when he left. He just abandoned her. She hasn't been the same since. She's been better since she's been with Jacob, but we can still see the effects of it sometimes. We've been around her for more than half a year now and we're still learning the things that we shouldn't say to her or around her. No one's going to be mad at you for not knowing, including Bella."

I sighed and curled more tightly into a ball. And just when I thought that I was hiding it… I guess I should have known that I was in no way that good of an actress. Emily and Kim were still talking, but I didn't want to hear any more. I wasn't in the mood to hear Kim's pity or more of Emily's patient understanding because she _didn't _understand. I could see why she thought she could. The pain seemed a simple enough response, one that most felt they could relate to. What she surely could never imagine, however, was the guilt that followed me no matter what I did. For every throb at the edges of the hole in my chest, there followed a stab of guilt for it. Jacob deserved to love someone who wasn't still pining over a lost cause.

And for those rare moments when I was free of the pain, there was the guilt of a betrayal of a man who would never care.

The shrill call of the telephone interrupted my wallowing and I jumped to my feet despite myself. It could be Sam or Billy with news. I hurried back inside and saw Emily already had the receiver pressed to her ear. I didn't even glance at Kim. My eyes were trained on Emily's face. For a moment, she looked relieved and I exhaled the breath I hadn't known that I was holding, but then a look of confusion took over her face.

"Yes, she's right here…" she said and then offered the phone to me. "It's Jacob," she said in answer to my questioning look. "He says that it's important." I took it, frowning.

"Hello?"

"Bella, do you want to see Cullen?"

I almost choked on my own breath. "_What?"_

I didn't like the sound of Jacob's voice. It was hard and sharp and there was growling in the background.

"Cullen is here. He wants to know if you want to see him. I _told_ him that you were fine," Jacob snarled, "and that we're taking care of you, but he won't take my word for it. Do you want to meet him?"

The room was spinning, but I didn't care. Absently, I registered that gentle hands were forcing me into a chair, but that didn't faze me either. He was here, in Forks, not in some remote location on the other side of the country or the world. Not unreachable, intangible, unavailable, just on the other side of the phone. And not uncaring either. He wanted to see me. He wanted to make sure that I was safe and taken care of and he wasn't just taking the information second-hand from someone, he wanted to hear it from me. _He_ _came back_.

There was a huge grin straining across my face. Somehow, it was only once I realized this that the horror set in. Because in my head I was marveling at the fact that he had returned, but in my heart, I found myself ecstatic that he had come back _to me_. It had been almost a year since he left me broken in the woods. It had been almost a year since Sam, my new family, carried the pieces out. It had been almost a year since Jacob began to slowly piece me back together.

And this was a chance to throw it all out.

"No," I said quickly, I practically spit the word out before I could convince myself to swallow it. I knew that if he were anywhere close that he would hear me. "Tell him… tell him thank you. For being concerned, I mean. But I'm fine and I _can't_ see him."

"There," Jake snarled at someone on his side. "Is that good enough for you? She doesn't want to see you."

He was there, right in front of Jacob, I could ask Jacob to just hand him the phone, just for a moment. If I heard him through the phone, even just a murmur, I knew I would lose it.

"I have to go," I whispered hoarsely. "Please, Jake, come home soon."

I hung up.

I wanted to run. I don't know where and I'm not sure how far I would have gotten before I fell over and hurt myself, but the urge was nearly overwhelming. I didn't though. I went to the bathroom to splash water on my face and then I went back to the kitchen where I ignored Emily's questions and pretended that I was fine, all the while gritting my teeth against the pain. Luckily, Sam, Jake, and Jared came through the door only moments after the muffins went into the oven.

The second I locked eyes with Jacob, he knew, despite the smile. He tucked me securely under his arm and made some excuse to Emily about why he couldn't stay. I made it to the car with the façade intact, but I felt it crack with the sound of the closing doors. Now that Jacob was there, the pain wasn't as bad, but I felt numb instead. Jacob kept shooting me worried glances as he drove and muttering under his breath. When we finally made it to Charlie's house, he threw the car into park and seized me without even bothering to shut off the car. He undid my seatbelt and dragged me from my seat into his lap so that he could hug me even tighter.

"Damn it, Bella, I'm so sorry," he said into my hair. "I knew I shouldn't have called, I knew it would upset you, but he wouldn't let it go. I was worried that if I blew him off that he would just come find you himself later." I didn't trust myself to move yet without shattering so instead I held still, barely even breathing. Jacob clutched me tighter, rubbing his hands against my arms. Maybe I felt as cold on the outside as I did on the inside. "Come on, sweetheart, say something," he said. I swallowed, feeling nauseous.

"It's like I'm addicted to him," I whispered. The words almost spoke themselves. I curled my fingers against Jacob's jaw, trying to take comfort from his closeness. "I'm like some kind of junkie trying to chase the high. I… I know he's bad for me. I _know_ it. I still hurt from it now. But when you said on the phone…" Jacob went still beneath me and he pulled his hands away from me slowly and carefully. His face went blank.

"Do you… I could call him back if you wanted," he said stiffly.

His offer shot me through with a hot pang of longing that terrified me. "No," I said sharply, horrified at myself. "I can't see him, not ever again." It was different somehow, knowing that he never wanted to see me again and knowing that I never could. Jacob unfroze to kissed my hair and draw me close.

"It's all right. I'm here. I'll always be here," he said. I breathed deeply and wrapped my arms around his neck, letting the warmth of his skin seep into mine.

"You will, won't you," I said absently, thinking hard. I stared into his dark eyes and for a moment, it was as if I were only seeing him for the first time, or maybe that my own eyes were new, unburdened by my longing for a different face, one that was paler, more beautiful, and more painful than any other in the world. But Jacob looked beautiful to me now. I hadn't wanted to see it before; beautiful men brought nothing but heartache. "You've always been there for me, Jacob. And I feel like… I've been afraid. But I don't have to be, do I?" Jacob gazed back at me, as always calmer and more at ease than I was. He traced the line of my cheekbone with one finger.

"No," he said with a small smile. "You don't."

"Because you love me." Jacob nodded and brushed my hair back out of my face.

"Yes," he said.

"And I love you." I'd never told him that before, but it didn't feel like I was declaring it to him. It felt more like I was telling myself.

"Yeah," he said with a large grin. "Yeah, you do." He kissed my forehead gently. "I'm glad you finally figured it out," he sighed against my skin. He hesitated and then pulled back just far enough to look me in the eye, cupping my face in both of his hands. He spoke quickly and vehemently, his eyes begging me to understand. "God, Bella, I didn't know that I _could_ love someone as much as I love you. It scares me sometimes," he said, "but we can figure it out together, right?"

I closed my eyes and smiled. The pain in my chest would have made me breathless only hours ago, but now it felt as if it didn't only belong to me anymore. Wrapped in Jacob's embrace, I realized that I wasn't alone. I hadn't been for a while. "Together," I repeated, testing the word. "I like the sound of that."

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><p>A quick update and a long one to make up for my long absence before. I hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for the encouraging reviews!<p> 


	4. Like Me

_Like Me_

No one in the world could sulk like Charlie Swan. He had elevated petulant silences, gloomy glances, and, my personal favorite, slamming things, to the level of art. Charlie slammed everything: doors, his fork, his guns, his boots. For Charlie Swan, the all-time champion of sulking, even the act of seating himself was just another opportunity to slam himself into a chair. A lesser man would be exhausted from the effort of it, but Charlie's stamina never failed him. He had been at it for almost a month now without pause, increasing the intensity of his sulking steadily since the day my lease agreement came and the idea of me leaving actually became real to him.

I was ready to tear my hair out.

Jacob thought it was a riot.

So, when I went to tell Charlie that Jacob had arrived and that we were ready to hit the road, I expected some new form of passive aggression from my father (I could count on him to surprise me). What I didn't expect for him to turn to me with the widest grin I've seen on him in weeks and wave me into his room.

"Come in here, Bells," he said and turned back to the large, thick book balanced in his lap. "Look at this."

I edged into the room cautiously and seated myself on the edge of his bed. I eyed his book apprehensively. I didn't put it past Charlie to lure me closer just so that he could slam it on my foot, but he shifted it closer and I understood.

"Aw, Dad," I groaned and Charlie grinned harder.

"Cutest little baby I've ever seen," he told me, pointing to a picture on the page. Someone had gathered my few wisps of hair and tied a ridiculous pink bow to it. Probably Renee's doing. Charlie flipped the page and another page full of baby me stared back at me.

"You must not see many babies," I told him. He just shook his head and turned another page. I gasped in horror. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me, Dad! Really?" The only picture on the page was a large 5x7 of me, barely a toddler, running away from the camera, my diaper in hand. I covered my face with my hand. "Do all parents have to have a naked baby picture somewhere?" I grumbled. Charlie laughed.

"Well, you made it so easy. Once you figured out how to take it off, we couldn't keep you in your diaper for anything. You thought it was funny." I snorted. I didn't think it was funny anymore. Charlie kept flipping the pages and I noticed that many of the pictures were of Renee and me in Arizona.

"How'd you get these?"

"Renee sent me this whole album. She said I deserved a graduation present too," Charlie answered with a roll of his eyes. "Look at that," he said suddenly, hunched over a picture of my first grade class. More ridiculous lace and frills and good grief, Renee had managed to con me into wearing another huge pink bow. I looked like I was about to fall over from the weight of it. "You were always so little, but you shot up when you were in middle school." He smiled fondly at the picture for a moment and then back up at me. "And look at you now. My little girl is all grown up, moving to college, starting a life that doesn't revolve around Renee or me…"

For the first time, he sounded pleased as he said it instead of depressed. I smiled at him. "It had to happen eventually, right?" I teased. "I can't spend my whole life trying to keep you fed."

Suddenly, Charlie threw one of his arms around my shoulders and hugged me quickly. "I'm proud of you, kid," he mumbled as he let me go. "I may not say it very often, but it's true." Both of us were fairly red because of his outburst, but I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek regardless.

"Thanks, Dad. That means a lot." Now that I had successfully reached the limits of Charlie and I's collective tolerance for emotion, I stood and planted my hands on my hips. "Now, come on, we're burning sunlight," I said brusquely. "Jacob's already got everything loaded up and he's waiting downstairs." Charlie nodded, hefted himself off of the bed, and grabbed his overnight bag.

"Are you and Jacob going to be able to behave yourselves this weekend?" he asked gruffly as he lumbered down the stairs.

"Who, us? What trouble can we get into in two days?" I said innocently as I followed him. Charlie snorted and threw me a look over his shoulder.

"You just… remember what we talked about, all right?" I cringed at the very thought. The memory of Charlie's best attempt at a sex talk sent what seemed to be all of the blood in my body rushing to my face. "The only reason I'm not going to insist he spends the night with me in the hotel is that… well…"

"Is that you know that I'm going to college and you don't really have a say in the matter anymore?" I supplied. It was apparently the wrong thing to say. He huffed and stalked out of the front door. And just like that, Charlie, King of the Big Babies, was back. I rolled my eyes and followed him, shutting the door a bit harder than I'd meant to.

"Careful there, Bella." I jumped and turned to see Jacob perched on the porch railing, swinging his feet like the giant mutant child he actually was. He grinned impishly at me. "Don't blow a vessel." I rolled my eyes and briefly considered shoving him over the edge. The thought must have shown on my face because he hopped down and hugged me around the waist. I turned my back to him petulantly and continued locking the door.

"Bite me, Fido," I muttered. Jacob laughed and shifted his hands to my hips.

"I might take you up on that," he murmured into my ear.

Charlie's car horn broke up the moment. Jacob snatched his hands away as if he'd been burned.

"Let's go, you two! We've got a three hour drive to get through!"

I groaned, finished locking the door. "Come on," I told Jacob. "The sooner we get to Seattle, the sooner we can get feed him. Hopefully that'll mellow him out." Jacob snickered.

"I don't see the problem, Bella," he said as he looped an arm around my shoulders, leading me to my truck. "I love pouty Charlie." Of course he did. He hadn't had to live with him for the past month and a half. Jacob opened the door for me and waved as Charlie took off ahead of us.

I grumbled wordlessly under my breath and climbed into the driver's seat. Jacob was buckled into his seat only a moment later and I started driving. Jacob stared at me, grinning, for a while and I ignored him. Finally, he chuckled and pulled up a drawstring bag. He dug around inside for a moment before he plopped a bulging Ziploc bag in my lap. "There. I bring offerings to appease the girlfriend gods." I glanced down and then sideways at Jacob.

"Tater tots?" He nodded. "With black pepper?" I verified. He nodded again and I chewed on my bottom lip, considering. "All right, forgiven," I said and offered him my hand over the center console. Jacob laughed and switched on the radio, interlacing our fingers as if that was the way it had always been.

A three hour trip with Jacob in the car was nothing. I listened to him sing along with every song on the radio, even the commercial jingles and the ones he clearly had never heard. I listened to Quileute legends. I told him exactly why his fried chicken always burned (he needed to stop heating the grease to the temperature of boiling lava). I told him about all of the reasons why Charlie's behavior was not funny. It was like that with Jake most of the time. He had a knack for making conversations about nothing feel like something. We could talk about almost anything.

We even spoke easily about my moving away. We'd talked about safety, about avoiding trouble caused by mortals and immortals alike. We'd talked about dorms versus apartments and decided that I would always be an apartment type of girl. He knew my major, the name of my apartment complex, how far it was from the University of Washington's campus, had practically memorized my schedule, but still, we never talked about what mattered.

We made it to Seattle in what felt like no time at all, fed Charlie, and set to work moving my things into my apartment. The plan was to get everything into the apartment today, then get it all arranged and see them off the next day. After a straight week of reasoning, persuasion, and finally, outright begging, Charlie had agreed to let Jacob spend the night with me. Or, more accurately, he had been convinced not to abandon Jacob in Seattle after I let him spend the night with me anyway.

Charlie was surprisingly sunny as we trudged back and forth, unloading box after box from my truck and Charlie's cruiser and dumping it in my little, one-bedroom apartment. He had acquired a disposable camera at Renee's prompting and got a kick out of forcing me to pose with each and every piece of furniture or decoration that I had, and, of course, since Jacob was doing all of the heavy lifting, he got his dose of sadistic pleasure watching him pretend to struggle up the stairs under the weight of my obligatory box full of books. We actually had a lot of fun piling everything into the tiny living room. Once we were done, we went out to dinner with a girl who had been moving in next door to me all morning and her parents.

Charlie's mood persisted all the way until he dropped Jacob and me off at the apartment complex at which point it dropped considerably, but by that point all I had to do was drop a quick kiss on his cheek and rush inside, Jacob's hand still nestled in mine. Easily, the greatest moment of the night, watching from my little window as Charlie pulled away. I could see him grumbling to himself even from where I stood.

Jacob grabbed me around the hips and spun so that my back was pressed against the wall and he was pressed against my front. "Finally," he breathed and attached his lips to mine. I giggled at him and looped my arms around his neck. Jacob responded by scooping me up into his arms bridal-style. He carried me through the apartment and into my bedroom. I shrieked and then burst into laughter as he tossed me onto the bed and he chuckled as he settled down next to me and reattached our lips.

Easy heat, gradual warming. That was what it meant to be with Jacob. Slowly, his kisses would become deeper, more lingering. He didn't mind me leaning over him when we were warming up, but the friskier he got, the more likely he was to roll us over, settling his weight over me. His hands wandered brazenly. There was no reason for Jacob to be shy. Hands crept up my shirt and over my stomach, encircled my wrists and pressed by hands into the bed, hooked behind my knee to draw my leg over his hip.

I loved it. Jacob was alive and passionate and demanding. He was mine. His hair was mine to tangle my fingers in. His hands were mine to guide higher under my shirt. He chuckled my chuckle, deep and throaty, whenever I did this. It was a simple concept. And I was his. There was nothing irritating or demeaning in feeling him tug my shirt over my head or pull at the buttons on my jeans. It was just Jacob. It was just a fact that, like all aspects of my relationship with Jacob, hardly fazed me. At some point, it was simply true.

When I pulled away, gasping, and pointed to a box near the door, Jacob didn't ask any questions. He dug around in it for a few moments and pulled out the inoffensive, little packet without surprise.

"You love me," I murmured once he was settled over me again. "And I love you." They always ask if the girl is sure in movies and trashy romance novels. Jacob didn't. He just smiled and kissed my forehead so tenderly that I could have been made of glass, and then my lips bruisingly, so that if I had been, he would have broken me.

When we were done, Jacob buried his face in my neck and wrapped his hot arms around my naked waist and told me about the way his mother's perfume used to smell. I hugged him back and remembered the day I woke up to find Jacob camped out in my driveway and covered in grease, tweaking my engine so that the ride home wouldn't take so long and I could visit more often. I realized that while Jacob and I could easily speak about anything, there were some things that just went without saying.

When Jacob and Charlie left the next day, I expected grief. I'd gone through loss before, after all. I knew what it felt like for someone to leave with your heart firmly in tow. But the grief never came. Jacob left, and I could still breathe. It confused me, but Jacob only smiled and kissed me when I asked him about him the first time I came home to visit a few weeks later. He hugged me tighter and whispered that it wasn't that he hadn't taken my heart with him when he left. It was just that he had left his own in its place.

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><p>Don't know if I like this one too much. It's a transition if nothing else. I hope you all enjoyed anyway!<p> 


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